I’m coming off the high of hosting a fabulous brunch for single moms in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area last week. It was amazing to connect and guide these women on a journey to looking at singleness differently and to talk candidly about the challenges and the triumphs they’ve had. We HAD fun! In fact, you should join us for the next one in September. But, while we were enjoying, mingling, and vibing, I had one mom ask about online dating. She expressed how she was not getting what she expected in possible mates. As she explained what she was doing and what she’d seen, I gave her a few pointers I felt she should be doing as a single woman instead of worrying about why dating wasn’t working for her. I’m going to share those 5 with you right now.
Where your focus should be as a single woman or mom
1. Focus on finding out who you are
This is the hard part. NO ONE wants to do the work until they have to. Listen, mama, do the work. Knowing who you are and what you want will save you so much time. And if you can do it as a single woman, BEFORE you link up with your Boaz (husband, boo thang, be), you will be better for it. As women, we tend to meld into “us” at the cost of losing ourselves. Taking time to get to know this will help you save time later as you’re dating AND it will help you attract someone who truly matches who you are.
2. Enjoy your life as a single woman
So many women are living for when they FINALLY meet their Boaz (God sent husband). Listen, Linda, Boaz is looking for a woman who is already enjoying her life. He does not want to be the one who has to teach you to live. He’s already walking in his purpose. YOU need to be walking in yours. Girl, you have dreams and those dreams need chasin’! You deserve to know whether they will work or not. Do not miss out on the experiences you should have a single woman (that you won’t be able to enjoy as a married one) because you are waiting on Super Man.
Listen, men are imperfect just like us. No perfect person exists. Your job is to be found living as you are chasing your dreams. That is the sexiest and most attractive thing you can do if you want to be married. One day, a man (your man) will notice you living and wonder to himself “Who is that!” So, live girl! Prove to yourself what you know you can do. Don’t wait to be hooked up to hear him say “Not right now.” I’m trine tell ya! When married, you can’t do everything you used to do. While you are a single woman, live!
3. Get your foundation right
This is the perfect time to get yourself together. Whether you are a single woman or a single mother, you have work to do. None of us are perfect. We can all improve somewhere. What do you need to get right? Is it your money situation? Your career path? Your spiritual foundation? Or, is it something else? Are you over your ex? Whatever you need to work on, take this time in your life to fix it. You deserve the best and so does your husband you desire to share your life with. Give it to him!
4. Chase your dreams
If you have followed me at all, you know dream-chasing sets my soul on fire. I LOVE to chase my dreams, set new ones, and check them off. But, this is because there was a season when all I could do was survive. No thriving. Just survival. Now, that I’ve learned to parent well and be good to me, I refuse to quit. You’ve got to come to the same place where you realize life and people do not owe you a thing. YOU owe life and people your gift, your greatness, your plethora of amazingness hiding on the inside of you. Take the time to cultivate it, dream it, do it, and share it. We all have gifts and dreams. And we all deserve to see them to the end.
As a single woman, you have the perfect opportunity to chase your dreams. You can move around easily, travel the world if you want to, quit a job you hate and take another one all because you are single. As a single mom, I have to put up with some stuff (LOL) because I have people depending on me. [I didn’t say quit your job. I said you could.] What have you always wanted to do? Make a plan and do it anyway!
5. DO NOT LOOK for a man!
So, this is self-explanatory, but let me say it anyway. Men are hunters. If you circumvent that process, it will repel them. Sure, there are a few men you can get by doing all the work. But who wants that guy? Men are hunters. They like the challenge of chasing and conquering. Give him something to chase, and he will appreciate you more. I didn’t make the rules, but I sure have lived long enough to learn them.
This season of your life is one to be lived. You need to stop right now and express to yourself just how amazing you are. Just because you’re single doesn’t make you invaluable. It makes you set apart for a reason. Could it be to grow? Or maybe could it be to mature more? Could it be to accomplish something you’re avoiding? Could it be a time for you to help others and be of service? But, if you skip this season looking forward to the next, you’ll miss an important lesson. So, live! #befoundliving
I pray this was helpful and you are encouraged to keep parenting alone if you have kids and if you’re single to be proud of who you are and know that you’re single for a reason. Either way, enjoy your life right now.
By the way, you should join me on Saturday mornings on Facebook for #Momchat. It’s a show I host that allows you to listen in on tips to rock this single mom life and you can interact with me. Watch the episode that sparked this post here. Comment below. Let me know what you think. Would you add any other points?
Remember… Do It Anyway!
I agree with you!! We have to live and enjoy the season we are in! I’ve lived countless years pushing for the next day or year and forgetting to live and enjoy where I am. Now, I simply enjoy where my son and I are in life.
Amen Courtney! That’s it! Let’s live! It’s getting better!