Single parenting. No one thinks it will happen to them. In fact, we ALL planned to thrive and have happily ever after. Didn’t we? But, sometimes it is not to be. People walk away, divorce happens, and even the death of a spouse can cause us to become single. When that happens, what is a girl to do? Well, she is to put on her big girl pants and raise her babies with every ounce of strength she has.
As a single mom (15 years), I know a thing or two. My pain led me to my purpose as a single mom coach, author, and speaker. I live a very unexpected life but I love it! I write from my experience and what I’ve learned in order to overcome the stigma, hardship, emotions, bitterness, and downright struggle single parenting can sometimes present. That made me learn how to change my attitude and outlook and therefore change my life. Want to know how you can do it, too? Read on for 5 areas you must focus on to thrive in order to save you some time, heartache and a huge learning curve.
Five Ways to Thrive as a New Single Mom
1. Heal
You can say you don’t need to all you want, but the proof is on your face, in the way you act, and how you feel. Healing is the last thing we focus on because well, life just lost its foundation. Who has time to heal? Right? But, sis, you must start there. You and your babies will thank me. I know what it’s like to be angry and not know why. I know how it feels to be thinking you’re all healed and over your ex when all of a sudden the tears come and your mood changes and the “Why me God” begins.
But, the pain and bitterness will linger until you face it. YOU have to do the work to make sure it stays gone. That process is all you and it takes all the time you need to get to your happy place. Start on the road to complete healing, zero bitterness, and 100% excitement about your new life. Heal sis. You deserve to know that it is not over and that if you do the work, you can invite new and amazing love into your life again one day.
I wrote an entire chapter on healing in my new book Do It Anyway!” Click here to get that chapter free!
2. Connect with Your Kids
I had this one and you may, too. Single parenting is a challenge all right! It leaves you feeling exhausted and like a failure some days. Others, you’ll know you got it right. But being exhausted and trying to be Susie Homemaker and Super Woman rolled in one will wear you out and make you NOT want to play with the kids. I know. Been there. Done that! But, now you have me. Yay! So listen well: You are already enough. Your kids are thankful for you and your love. Just be there for them and yourself. Connecting starts with being able to put down the “to-do” list and just have fun. Having fun together doesn’t have to be around something expensive. Just connect. Stop the madness of being busy and strike a balance between all you have to do and nurturing your growing family.
You got this!!!
3. Finances
This is the coup d’ gras! Oh yeah, tell you about it right! I hear ya! How DO you provide for a family on one income? Easy, you begin to cut corners and make a BUDGET. Yes, I know two incomes were nice, but now it’s time to plan for what-ifs so that this never comes again. Here is a link to a post I did that has loads of tips for finances and here’s another!
Learning to thrive as a new single mom is not easy, but you will find that reading, researching, and applying what you’ve learned will serve you well. I know this area all too well. Here are a few tips:
- Create a budget
- Spend less
- Prepare for delays
- Invest in a 401k if offered at work
- Use your 401k if needed to save the day. But!!! (Seek professional advice. I’m just saying. Not your attorney.)
- Make a plan for the future
- Read up on the latest ways to save
- Look at bankrate.com for lower rates and things you can apply for to help you
- Check out DaveRamsey.com I love his methods and have used them myself.
- Don’t give up and look for ways to increase your income (raise, a side business, part-time job that doesn’t interfere with home life).
4. Your Purpose Why You Must Thrive
Why you’re here is of supreme importance. Part of it is to be the best mom you can be to your kids. The other is to live a life that blesses others in some way. It is your duty to feed your soul and take care of your family. Putting you and your purpose on the back burner will not help you. In fact, I believe that we should be whole individuals. Figure out your purpose and you will learn to thrive! I guarantee it!
Let your kids see you moving and shaking. Happy, Healthy, Whole, and Healed is your destiny. Move toward it! This may help!
5. Organization Skills
This is super important if you ever want to get a sense of normalcy going. It’s a lot to not have help and if you have multiple kids, forget it! Or, get organized. I mean in your mind, spirit, home, life, with your discipline. ALL of it! Your main line of defense is to keep it together and with systems, you can. Your kids need to know it will be okay. And sis, it will. Get quiet, clear, and organized. Check out this resource and be blessed! You are going to make it.
I sure hope these 5 tips helped you see that you can thrive. You just have to plan to win and you will.
No matter what!
Do It Anyway!
