On the heels of an apparent parenting debacle by the uber-talented Charlize Theron (per some online sources which I shall weigh in on in a just a tad), I write this post on a topic near and dear to my heart- parenting. And more importantly, our right to parent as we see fit.

Have a look at the photos below courtesy of SplashNews.com that I credit viewing on OK! Magazine”s site first and then on RadarOnline.com.

You know I don’t usually write about celebrities and pop culture, but this story struck a chord with me and the mama bear, the single mom sister, the woman in me revolted, stood up, and said “Uh-huh!”. Now, some of you may disagree with me and that is okay, but I’m not for OR against how or what Charlize Theron did. Why? Because these pictures do not tell the full story. What I see is normal activity any mom would encounter. But, I am here to discuss the pressure put on us when parenting to be perfect and why it must stop. Stop!

Haven’t heard about the story yet? Didn’t see the pics of the apparent dragging of her son after dance class? Click here to see more photos and the summation of the situation from two mags with very different viewpoints  RadarOnline Version. OkMagazine.com Version.

Now, we see the same pics and totally different slants on each story. I periscoped my opinion or my “not opinion” should I say last night. You can catch it until 8 pm EST tonight.

What is interesting to me is nothing I see her do in the pics resembles dragging or “Monster Mom-like”, yet the mag posted such. OK! Magazine’s writers came for Charlize Theron as if she had done something sinful. I’m an advocate for children’s rights and wanted to make sure such had not gone on. And as one could expect from a celebrity mag, nothing crazy had gone on. Unless children doing what children do and parents handling up are shocking to you, nothing went on. Can you imagine having two kids and one is throwing the biggest tantrum EVER, you’re at your wit’s end, and someone is snapping photos of it all? Right. No fun.

But, below, I outline why I’m here for the way she handled it and list what we can learn or what ya’ll cause my boys are teens honey and mama don’t play that. However, I do remember their days of tantrums and her handling of her son (who seems to be quite strong in the photo and super adamant about not going to dance) looks just like what a mom of two would do in a situation like this. I’m a mom of two. Been there. Done that.

Side note: I am going to not comment on why he has on ballet shoes. Could they be the start of the tantrum? They would be the start of my tantrum. LOL! Really! But, here is what we learned and go Charlize go! Single parenting, as you can see, is not easy. But you can do it!

Charlize Theron is a New Single Mom

So, having heard that Charlize is a new addition to the single mom club, I had to share my point of view. Being a single mom (rich or poor) is challenging. I don’t care what the economic gap, good parents are present. And you know what? Parenting is not easy!

What I see in one of these articles is not the celebration of her doing the best she can in a new role. No! I see her being called a monster and made fun of because she handled a situation she was in with the information she had. Uhm, life has no manual. Parenting is tough. We do what we can in the throes.

There is a deeper problem here. So deep I had to periscope and blog about it. It is something that has upset me for a while, something I’ve dealt with and had to get over myself. Maybe you’ve had it? It’s called perfectionism. People pleasing and doing things just right with little humans is a recipe for disaster. It won’t work.

I jested on periscope that maybe the media would have liked it better and captioned it differently had she been dolled up, in a ball gown, and had softly asked the little one to reason with her. LOL!!!! Four-year-olds can’t reason! They can, however, get picked up and put in car seats for actin’ a fool in the parking lot. Kudos mama for handling his fit!

Watch the video of the tantrum. Oh right, there is none in 2016.  Therefore, we can’t speculate and add captions to what we see. What I can see is a mom caring for her kids, holding her ground as an adult. I didn’t see any dragging in the photos shown. I am here for Ms. Theron’s choice to not allow a four-year-old to boss her around, wear the pants, and create a possible transference of power. Talk about a tantrum! Let him have the reigns, and she’ll have tantrums all right.

Back to perfectionism. Why is it that the expert on Ok! Mag’s post recommend she try to sell him on the idea and relate with the kid so he can be motivated to do what she wants? Uhm, she has non-walking kiddo in a car seat and an unhappy, fit-throwing toddler. There can be no reasoning. And oh yeah, they can’t reason at four yet. No one’s invented that. Her parenting style shouldn’t be under attack and she is called a monster because her kid throws a tantrum in the parking lot.

What We Learned from Charlize Theron Parenting

Again, until she speaks out, I am maintaining that what I saw in the pics looked a whole lot like the normal moms I see every day who are running a family, many times working a full-time job, are married and not, and have the responsibility to take care of the children.

Lesson 1: Stand your ground

All parents worth their weight in salt, know that a child who gets their way is problematic to the running of a home. Once a child knows how to manipulate dear mom, dad, or both, it’s all over. We’ve all seen them and we look on in horror as some parents have lost control of their home. Their kids talk back to them, disrespect them and seem to have no remorse. How did this happen? That parent had a moment in time and a series of chances to show up and be the parent. They failed. And the child, tiny or a teen, knows it, uses it, capitalizes on it.

But not Charlize Theron, honey! She said, “Not today!”‘ All moms just shouted in unison, “GO, GIRL!”

Lesson 2: Don’t give any cares about who’s watching 

With media all around, she chose to still parent her child. She could have stopped, pleaded, begged a “four-year-old.” But, she didn’t. She decided to do the difficult thing and pick him up and put him in the car.

It’s interesting to note the different spin each mag put on the incident. Hmm. You have to do that as a parent…not care about what others think. You know what is best and as long as you are loving and honoring your child, they will have to walk the line you draw for them. So, forget the talkers unless they come help you parent every day.

Lesson 3: Layout consequences so your children know who’s the parent 

Oh yeah, you want to throw a fit? No dance for you, no iPad and no … What’s out now for toddlers? Anyhoo, consequences. Kids of all ages need consequences. And the one for lil man today is thou shalt get up and cease said tantrum today.

So, do not be afraid to shell out consequences and as I have written on before, please have a preset list of go-to actions so your kids don’t catch you slipping and run over you as the little man tried. Go here for a checklist and audio of discipline and organization.

Lesson 4: Do what it takes to parent your babies

Parenting is not easy. Ask any mom and dad. But, single parenting is like drinking water from a water hose. Well, maybe not that drastic, but for an unsuspecting parent, it takes some getting used to. As you move along in parenting, you will find your kids have their own personalities. That’s beautiful and challenging because they will learn to push the envelope and your buttons. So, this is why I see the photo differently. Everything that’s out on her and her kiddos shows her loving on them and her excitement to have them. Nothing suggests that she has mistreated them in any way. Not even these photos. I encourage you when the hard days of parenting come, to do what it takes. That may mean them losing privileges and not liking you. That’s okay. Do it anyway!

Lesson 5: Let go of perfectionism

As you can see, someone will always have something to say about your parenting. But sis, that is not your problem. Your job is to raise healthy, happy kids who know you love and support them. You do not have reach some imaginary mark nobody else is reaching. That’s what I love about these photos. Charlize Theron is parenting in leggings, hair pulled back; she’s there and not a nanny, and she is doing the work.

No one can take away your sleepless nights caring for your kids, your up all night helping them study, your kind words, smile, touch, presence. Keep being all the mom you are and can be. But, don’t try to reach for some ideal of the perfect parent. It’s an ideal none of us can reach. You are enough. Be more of that!

Well, what did you think? Do you agree with me? Sound off in the comments and let’s discuss what you see in the pics. Bad parenting under fire or some made-up headline? What say you? What advice would you give Charlize as a new single mom? Chime in! We want to know!

As always, you got this single parenting thing. You can do this and you are perfect for your kids. Dig in!

Do It Anyway!

Kaywanda Lamb is an author, speaker, and single mom coach. She writes about the ups and downs of single parenting with a dose of motivation for the working single mom. She speaks and hosts events centered around women’s empowerment, entrepreneurship, and education.