Coming together to parent when you couldn’t stay together as a couple could be a recipe for hell on earth. Pure HELL. I know all about it because I lived it as a young single mom, and I see it daily as I coach other single moms. Read on as you learn to co-parent well as a single mom.

Truth moment: my kids’ dad and I struggled in this area. It was flat out war for a while and then it became indifference for him and me. Yes, I desire for you to reach my level of unbotheredness. But, my kids lost in this and later won. Read on to find out how to try and keep the lines of communication open between and you and your ex.

Currently, I don’t hate him anymore but we have no need to talk often. We communicate by text message and it’s only about the kids. That’s life. Sometimes it works out this way. But, I tried. And you must, too -for the kids. Mama, for the kids.

Real truth: You both can decide how to relate to each other. It doesn’t have to be ugly. He can decide it does have to be that way though and that is called choice. But since we cannot control others, YOU can decide it doesn’t. {Inserts my black girl voice: “Okay girl!”} But how? What are ya’ gonna do in what just might be the ugliest battle you’ve seen from somebody you used to love?  Here are a few communication tactics to help you co-parent well as a single mom.

To co-parent well, –set your positive intention and expectations BEFORE you dial the number or send the text message.

We do not always take ownership of the fact that our negative expectation of how things will go before we ever get started can be a part of the problem. You be the change that you want to see by going in with great, positive expectations. Start by setting your intention for the interaction.

Script for self-talk: “As parents, together we will achieve **insert the focus and end goal of the communication**.”

Really let the positive expectation play out in your head: your positive start to the conversation, their positive response, and the success of the plan. Setting your intention for the conversation before you have it is the same as saying a prayer. The only difference is that you aren’t just asking God for help, you are doing your part to create the vision for the positive result.

Caveat: Some folks like to keep up confusion. Not your monkey; not your circus. Resolve to stay at peace, lay out the purpose if your communication, and move on.

Focus on the most important thing –the child/ren.

Do not mix in other issues with your communication about your child/ren. When you are initiating contact about your child/ren, stay focused only on what is best for them. In the court system, your child is appointed a Guardian ad litem, that person is the representative for your child. Not for you and not for the other parent, ONLY the child. That means the personal preferences and vendettas of the parents are removed and only what is best for the child is left for consideration. Although you may start with your co-parent preference, once you receive opposition to your preference, take a moment and consider if alternatives to your preference will yield the same results that are still in the best interest of the child/ren. In other words, compromise may sometimes be in order.

Script for response to opposition: “I hear you. It was my preference that we do it how I proposed. However, the important focus here is our child/ren and an end result that’s best for them. As I’m sure we agree on the goal, how do you suggest we get to goal?”

It’s not about getting your way. Being a great co-parent is about getting the best result for the child/ren. So stay open to things being done in partnership, because that is what parenting really is.

Side bar: When we were younger, my kids’ dad and I co-parented well for like 2-3 months. I was still in lust with him and in shock, so all my working together came from a place of hurt. I was trying to detach from him and do what was best for the kids. So, if you’re in that spot right now, be honest, and take precautions. Soul ties are real. I went through more than I should have when the writing was on the wall AND he wasn’t doing daddy duties. Chile! Stay clear and stay focused. I recommend my first book to help you here. Chapter 1 will help you heal from the hurt. Grab it HERE.

As you strive for the best, hopefully, these co-parent styles are helpful. They are just the tip of the iceberg in how I guide and support my clients. Let’s talk about your personalized parenting needs and how I can help; to set up a call, go HERE.