As a single mother, your time is valuable. You have to bring home the bacon, cook it, and make sure the kids eat it. So Momma, while dating, you really need to be sure you are investing your time and energy into someone that shows mutual interest and respect. Yes, men should typically make the first move and ask you out. But, every man does not deserve a yes. What you want to know is, did they want to see how far they can go with little effort or are they genuinely interested in getting to know you?
Have you noticed how determined people get when they are interested in something? They research it, talk about it, go look at it, etc. They put time into obtaining it just like you did for your career, house, car, etc. You know like how you balance the world on your shoulders and raise your babies well. YOU put in werk! So, the same goes for dating. You want to see some energy. Here are four warning signs that he doesn’t deserve your time:
1. Every time you talk to him, it’s because you called him.
Of course, most of us prefer phone calls, but in this busy day and age text messages may outweigh calls. But, that’s all the more reason for calls to be quality. So I’m not dismissing the use of text messaging, but I am placing more importance on phone calls. Is he actually setting aside time to have a voice-to-voice convo with you so that tone is not lost and more of a connection can be felt? Sis, I’m talking quality conversations that make you feel like you’re back in high school getting to know someone. The kind of conversations where you may miss your bedtime because it just flows. You may be excited to have someone to talk to, but we have to make sure they are excited about you, too. So not only should you pay attention to whether he calls you as much as you call him but also make sure you are allowing time between communication to give him the opportunity to call you.
2. A lot of time passes before he reaches out to you again.
If you aren’t married, no one owes you an explanation for their absence. But someone who is interested in you cares about building with you. For that reason, they won’t just disappear or leave huge gaps in communication without letting you know first. Let’s be clear busy is not an excuse. As single mothers, we know what a busy schedule is because we live that life daily. Just as you can make time for who you are interested in, they can make time for you if they are interested in you. Life happens, but communication should always take place when he sees that he won’t be able to talk as often. Period. If someone can’t do that while dating, why would you take it any further?
3. Every time you go out, it’s because you planned it and made it convenient for him.
Again, busy goes two ways. There is nothing wrong with planning opportunities to see each other. Sometimes you are the better planner and he may even ask you to plan. However, what shouldn’t happen often is that the very mention of creating plans is always on your shoulders. I had a boyfriend like this once and it drove me mad. I’m like dude, just think for a second about what I like and what would be cool for us to do together. He could never decide. I was like I can’t do this for 50 years and bounced. It wasn’t just that, but you have to know what you want and be willing to walk away trusting life will bring you greater. I sure do!
And what’s worse is if he doesn’t agree to plans unless they are always convenient to his schedule or his life. You don’t want to set your dating life up this way because you simply wouldn’t have a relationship. You have a wait and date when someone feels like it. He feels more like being a friend with benefits than a woman he wants to make time for. Mutual interest means mutual work. No work? Next.
4. He’s not trying to get to know and understand you.
In the beginning, you may both be nervous, full of excitement, and playing it safe. People sometimes talk about themselves a lot out of habit. Eventually, there should be space for you to share about you. Someone who is interested in you wants to know about you. They do that by allowing you space to talk about yourself and by asking questions about you. Anyone satisfied with giving you information about them, but not receiving information about you isn’t very interested in knowing you. They just like talking about themselves. That’s not sexy or something a busy woman got all cute for.
If there is interest shown in other ways in addition to one of these warning signs, use discernment to decide if you want to invest your time. However, if you are experiencing a combination of these warning signs, then recognizing those behaviors may be just what you need to save yourself some headaches. Remember, there are millions of available men. Life goes on. Don’t make the wrong man Mr. Right cause you were tired. You are WORTHY. Wait expectantly for your Earthly King! Remember that.
I hope these signs help you to clearly see someone’s interest in you. Actions speak louder than words, boo. Sis, I don’t want you to be tolerated; you need to be celebrated!
Would you add any more warning signs to the list? Comment below and let’s help some sisters out. Still unsure if who you should be spending time with? Quit playing and grab my Love Plan HERE. It is 15 pages of thought-provoking real work that’ll teach you how to create a real plan for your love life and increase your chances of finding the ONE. Happy Dating!
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