Wow! Let me tell you I enjoyed this interview with this awesome ex single father. Fellas, get ready to see how you can get along with your ex and co-parent well for the sake of your babies. In today’s post, you will learn how to chase your dreams, pursue your purpose, date, and co-parent well as a single father.
I met today’s dad in a Facebook group for entrepreneurs. We just happened to friend each other but never really chatted. Until one day, we hit it off on this one post. Turns out he is an author, too. You know I love that. Those are two of my passions: entrepreneurship and writing. Enough about me. You are in for a treat. Fellas, he’s also a mentor to young boys in the Dallas, TX area proving we should all give back in some way. Right? I enjoyed our meet and greet. We laughed, chatted business, and parenting, and somehow, we think we’re related. Listen, southern folks breaking bread, talking shop, discussing our passion for our kids and helping others equals a GREAT conversation. From that late lunch talk with this amazing single father, I have many love and life lessons to share with you!
Tim Jackson has a military past, a history of working hard, dabbling in insurance and real estate as a way to set his family up for life. And then, divorce happened. They just realized they were meant to be friends and amicably separated. WAIT! Do people do that? Yes! Listen, Linda, you can actually part ways in a non-bitter fashion and keep your child’s best interest at the forefront of all you do. So, how did he and his ex-wife do it? Read on for Tim’s 5 pieces of advice for awesome co-parenting dads or single father like you.
You can be a single father and a friend at the same time.
Now, I didn’t tell you to carry on like you’re best buds. But to co-parent well, you don’t need to hate each other. Tim and his ex amicably split and although neither wanted to lose their marriage, they knew they weren’t supposed to be married. They decided to keep their son at the center and make sure he had the same life he loved after their breakup.
Know you don’t want each other and that’s okay.
Tim is an awesome single father who does say he has the utmost respect for his ex because they just weren’t meant to be and she is smart and an amazing mom. Knowing that they could respect each other and still parent made it easier. He says, they also set ground rules about interacting with each other after the divorce. So make sure to have a plan and things will go smooth.
Both single father and his ex should have parameters about who you each will date and have around the child.
Tim gave me the impression that he not only loves his son, he looooves his son. I know the rest of us feel the same about our kids. So, with that in mind, he and his ex discussed parameters around the types of people they would date and how often or how soon those people would meet their son. A woman had to wait an entire year to meet lil man because Tim was not playing.
I actually do this. Two men in all of 14 years have met my boys. No turnstile over here. My kids will know that their mom doesn’t date everybody. So, fellas, you can date a young lady or two. She just doesn’t need to meet your kids so soon. Time recommends only bringing around people who hold your values and want kids. To do that, you’ve got to take a break, heal and know what you want. He shares how he went through a season of not dating to enjoy himself and reflect on the kind of woman he wanted. It worked. He shared with me grinning over a late lunch (his wife was invited), “I knew she was the one when I met her.” I normally would laugh at this. Because well, cliché right. But, he was smiling from ear to ear and had been the entire time as we talked about co-parenting with ease and being newly married.
So, you can do it. You just have to allow yourself time to meet the woman who loves your kids as much as you do. She’s out there.
Keep communication open and take care of the child together, and you’ll win at being a single father.
Tim adds that once they had decided to separate, the baby took precedence in how they would communicate. They decided that they would set a regiment that each would abide by so they could both have a life and the baby could have what he needed. Time and I cracked up when I said, ‘Where do they do that at?” I wish I had this arrangement. Goodness. He said it takes mature people who put the child first to accomplish this. We’re not calling you immature if you don’t see your kids regularly, but we are saying ‘stop being so selfish and get in there and parent.” One person doing all the work isn’t fair to the child. Ever thought about how tired she might be and how you’re not co-parenting is hurting the child(red)? Right. Out of sight. Out of mind, they say. But kids pay attention. And when they grow up they don’t want to hear, ‘Your mama never wanted to act right.” They will know if you tried your all and made sure they had the most important part- you.
Be present. Communicate. Keep emotions out of it.
Involve the new love in the parenting process
Tim says he knew his wife was the one for him. He also knew that he had to give her time and he had to introduce her when she was ready. He says he is lucky in that his ex-wife and new wife get along so well. ‘She really loves my son,” Tim said smiling ear to ear. I know the likelihood of me marrying someone with kids is higher than me marrying a man with no kids. I agree with Tim. You need to marry someone who loves your kids as much as you do and involve them in the process of raising them as early as possible.
Would you add any more to this? I super love this. And it’s one of those amazing stories that prove you can find a good love and you can get along with the old.
We want to hear from you. How do you co-parent with the ex? Have you found other ways to make sure you get along? Chime in below.
