As I prepare these single mom tips for you, I have a thought to crush it this year (does the Dougie in excitement). I can’t help but think about the mistakes I’ve made that have distracted me, and yes, deterred me over the years. Mistakes I made as a single mom, in dating, in my career, etc. But, you live and you learn! This is why it’s called life. Right?
I mean if we knew it all… well, that would be amazing. We don’t, so we have to keep doing our best until we hit that zone of genius. I haven’t always done right but when I learned how, instead, I put it to practice. And so from my journey as a young single mom to mine now as a veteran mama, I want to give you 10 single mom tips to help you thrive and rock your 2016.
Speaking of mistakes, can you think of any? Or, are you a “glass half full” kind of gal? Either way, you slice it, we got work to do sis! We were born to be great. And I wanna see it happen.
So, in an effort to help you avoid the alluded faux pas of my past, I want to share some habits, attitudes, and/or mindsets that as single moms, we need to let go of before another year strikes. Yes, ma’am! RELEASE them all!
Staying stuck is not the way your story ends. Let’s rise up to the potential and possibility that wells up inside you and me.
Sis, it’s time for you to WIN! In order to do that, check out these single mom tips I share with you. There! I said it! You are not your situation. You are not the woman who got left with kids to raise alone or divorced, or whose spouse passed even though you are a single mom. Know that you are a jewel, a gem, a brilliant woman who deserves better. And old boy walking away just blessed you! Can you see that? So, no more energy going to the past. Let’s take what you have and make something amazing!
So, wake up and release anything that has you bound.
One thing I know:
What is for you stays. What is not for you cannot. Release it and live.
Ready to see the single mom tips about 10 things that you must release to have your best life? Read on and get ready to thrive.
Things to Release to Thrive
Single Mom Tip #1 Release the control over everything
It’s true. Let go. Do what you can. Show up, but know even the most prepared person still has a bad day. Yep, raises a hand. Our kids lose their minds some days, situations arise, bosses come down on us when we are rocking it out, and more of the unexpected piles up. What is a girl to do? Breathe and crush it anyway!
Single Mom Tip #2 Refute the lie that you are responsible for what your kids do
Now, granted you need to parent every time and not cut corners, but even good parents have kids that do bad things. You could have raised them well and they go and do something crazy. I can tell you some stories I’ve seen and experienced. But, kids are kids. They are growing. You put those boundaries around them and love them anyway.
I believe you have to draw the line on pity parties and eventually let them make their own mistakes. After all, we can’t stop it all, and they must learn. My grandmother used to say, “A hard head makes a soft behind.” It sure does. I’d rather just learn the lesson from someone telling me. Lol! Right! But kids are going to push their boundaries. At that time, have a plan in place to support them and yes discipline them. Always love them.
None of us are exempt from drama. My boys aren’t perfect and the advice I give you is tested. We have to have limits and love. Our kids are going through. Be patient. Accept that you cannot see the future, but decide you will go with them ’til the end. Their choices are theirs. If you need help, schedule a consult, talk to your pastor, counselor, trusted friends, but get help. You and your kids deserve to enjoy this season. Surround yourself with those who care. You got this!
Single Mom Tip #3 Remove the mindset that you cannot overcome where you are
Oh sis, as a single mom, you can and will move past the place you’re in. If you are new to single parenting, it is gut-wrenching, soul-crushing, and freeing all at the same time. It hurts to do it alone, but it feels good to know you didn’t have the relationship you thought and so you are free to move on. You will rise up and parent like a Rock Star, but first you must work on you. Little by little, you’ll see just what a favor old boy (or girl) did you by walking away, divorcing you, etc. Just commit to doing your best day by day and one day you’ll be at your best. Now, if you need a little bit more assistance, seek professional help who can give you useful single mom tips. YOU are more than your status. You’re phenomenal!
Single Mom Tip #4 Let Go of Negative people
ALL the “negative Nancies” have to go. Not one can stay because they cannot see your growth. They can’t see the vision for your life, the new excitement for your purpose God has given you or even understand how you could possibly be happy alone. Yes hunty, they must go! Anyone who cannot appreciate where you are now and the growth you seek has to take a backseat to all the action. Now, don’t be mean. But begin to distance yourself from people who make your smile turn upside down and steal your joy. You know the one. Yes! Her! Bye Felicia! We have a purpose to attend to!
Single Mom Tip #5 Say Hello and Good-Bye to Fear
As you’ll find in my new book, I was super afraid to move to a new state by myself with two small kids. But, I also knew deep down it was the right move. Boy was it ever! So, fear will come. And sis, that is okay. Let it! It doesn’t have to take permanent residence in your life. Express it, feel it, and then overcome it by standing up to it. You can and will survive this season of your life. Be bold and say “Hello fear! How you doin’?”
Single Mom Tip #6 Dissolve Wrong Relationships
As long as you hold on to Fine Al, Rick, Steve, etc., you cannot see the Good guy that is waiting to court you. Wrong relationships can be romantic, personal, familial, or even business. But most times, we know that we shouldn’t be hanging out with these folks. There is something attracting us but also distracting us from where we could be. Wise up! Good things give us peace. Bad things and people don’t. If you’re feeling a tug or worse, seeing negativity, release them.
It hurts to let go of people and things we love. But, I am here to tell you that friendship and love are two-sided. Be cautious to those who you give those places to in your life.
Here’s a post that discusses relationships on a deeper level.
Single Mom Tip #7 Lack of Growth as a Single Mom and as a Person
Let this be the year you say no more to “I’m not sure, I don’t think I can, I’m good.” Let this go! Grow! Stretch! Do what scares the crap out of you even if you fall flat on your face. You know what? You will have grown past a point that had you shaking in your pants. So, what new thing will you try today? You owe it to yourself to chase your dreams and to keep on growing.
Many times we think we cannot because we haven’t adjusted our mindset. Your vision for your life has to be able to hold the dreams you have or you’ll just have ideas. Implement what it is you seek. Take steps toward your dreams. You’ll be so glad you did! Here’s a great post on vision.
Single Mom Tip #8 Stop Waiting on anyone to make a decision to love you
The course of your life and your dating life are up to you. YES! YOU have all the power. You do not have to sit and wonder if a guy likes you. If he isn’t saying it or showing it, find someone who sees your worth. Oh, I had my moments when I waited on a dude, gave him time to figure his life out, and meh! Listen, you are in control of how much time you spend somewhere you’re being treated like you deserve. You don’t have to text a dude, beg a dude, nothin. Move on. You love you and take control of your life and who you allow in it. That goes for guys, friends, family, coworkers, etc. You do not need their approval to live. You already have God’s. Woke up. Now do something with it!
Single Mom Tip #9 Don’t Worry
Life can be scary. I get it. Been there. But not one time has worry helped you or me. In fact, it has only made things worse. Take the time to process what has you worried about and then do the work to combat that worry with the truth.
I’m a Christian and so my faith guides me. When I find myself worrying, I realize I need to have a talk with God because of my eyes or on the thing that worries me and not on The One Who can fix it. Oh yeah, sis! You must redirect that attention to what is the solution. This is why having friends and family around you that support you so you can talk to them about what worries you.
In 2016, you must release what does not serve you. Worry hasn’t ever made anyone feel better. Ditch the worry and pick up faith, preparation, relaxation, and dedication to improving your situation.
Single Mom Tip #10 Deny Perfection
No one is perfect that walks this Earth. So, trying to be the perfect mom and wearing yourself out is not the answer.
Now, I know television, magazines, your family, and others will try to make you think you have to perfectly balance each part of life AND look good doing it. But, they lyin’ (I rapped that in my head as I typed).
Real talk. You are human, you are trying, you’re wonderful, you’re enough… you’re brilliant. But not perfect. And your kids love you. They love messy you, a “little late sometimes” you, the ” you” that forgot your kid’s costume. ALL of you are good enough! Don’t get bogged down in perfectionism. Live!
Rest in that! Keep growing. Keep pushing. But, release the idea of being perfect.
So, what do you think of these single mom tips? What would you add? Comment below and let’s break out in 2016 by releasing habits, ideas, attitudes, and people who hold us back from being great!
You can read more single mom tips about how to develop a mindset to parent without guilt, crush your goals, believe in you, and rock your life in my new book Do It Anyway: The Single Mom’s Guide to Living Life and Achieving Her Goals. Grab it here or online where books are sold. You were made to win and when you drop the above behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs, you will love the new empowered you! And your kids will too!
And remember, you got this!
Do It Anyway!
