We hear a lot about single mothers, but the truth is single fathers exist, too. And like us, many find themselves in new territory, needing resources, support, connection, etc. When that happens, what is a new single father to do? Well, I recently sat down to interview a single dad (let’s call him Mr. C) and surprisingly enough our stories are very similar. Read on to be encouraged fellas. Ladies, I know you’re gonna read it so get your tissue ready. It’s just that good.

In fact, single dads ask me all the time “What about us, Kaywanda?” To which I reply, “I’m working on it.” Well, have no fear fellas! I got you covered. Today’s post is for the fellas. And, I know it’s gonna encourage some dad out there.

I love inspiration, but sometimes we just need to know how to handle the season we’re in. Fellas, you got this!

The Backdrop

So, this single dad is actually a member of my Sunday Morning Bible Study Group. (Why I didn’t know his name?!!! Like … at all.) We’ve shared our opinions, love of Jesus, laughed, and gave the teacher side-eye together, yet I never thought to ask his name, nor did I know he was a single dad. For an entire year!

By chance, he mentioned it at church. And my ears perked up! Finally, I had someone to talk to about the struggle, beauty, craziness, burden, etc. of single parenting by the opposite sex. I expected him not to be bothered, to be living single and loving it, to have it under control …  cause HE’S A MAN! But I was refreshingly surprised that his story and experience are so much like mine. And other women’s.

Being the coach, entrepreneur, blogger, writer I am, I asked him to let me interview him/proposed some other things y’ll want to be a part of (trust!). Listen, I don’t waste good knowledge that could be someones elses breakthrough. And there were some surprises I wasn’t  expecting. All good things to help you parent better and stronger. Read on.

The Drama

Let’s just say this dad wanted his son so bad he almost lost his house paying for attorney fees and more in a custody battle that lasted a smidgen short of ‘too much.’ “Being a single father,” he told me, “the courts don’t usually give custody to the dad.” He said he knew he would be the better parent and provider and could not have his son uprooted at such a young age. So, he fought a long hard custody battle against a woman who had more means, more legal support, and more time to have a senseless fight. In his own words:

So, as the day went on, he told me his story and I told him mine. And I was like … “Lawd, let me stop telling folks I’ve been through it. Yeesh!” Lol! Yes, it was major. But, like you and me and all of us amazing single parents, he made it. Read on for his tips.

Tips for a single dad

Set a strategy

Mr. C. admits that he was like most of us … (a fish out of water) when he had his young son alone in the beginning. He admits to realizing he had no social life one night he finally had some free time because everything revolved around the baby. He said it was hard to get his mind around juggling work, finding a babysitter, dating, making plans, etc., until he set a strategy. His strategy for success included creating a  routine for him and his son. “At first, it was hectic,” he says, “but, I got the hang of it.”

That, dads, is what you have to do. Decide that single parenting will not break you, ask for help, create a system and implement it. To be cliché, “You da man!” So, you can do this for as long as it takes. What would you like to accomplish? Take a moment and plan how you and your family will get there.

Check out this article to help you get organized and set a strategy for your house.

Put God first

Mr. C was very adamant about how God was instrumental in his life. He began to tell me that even now he believes the peace he has parenting alone, the opportunities he’s received, and the excitement he has for the future are all due to his faith in God. So, his advice is to put God first.

When you’ve gone through so much, it can seem like faith isn’t going to help. He says, “Try God.” Trust God when you’re having a hard time and the kids won’t do what you say. Trust God when you have more bills than money, and when your social circle you thought would never leave … does. Put God first, be willing to lose, and trust that you’ll gain back all you need.

Be there for your kids

Mr. C advises that he had a hard time in the beginning adjusting to being a full-time parent. To add to the already stressful new lifestyle,  his son began to act out because he missed his mom. That made him quickly realized that he had to adjust his work schedule, so he could be available at the school his son attended when needed. He candidly admits that the school was shocked to see such an involved father. He says he was not going to let his son get behind and stay behind because of his new living situation with just one parent around most of the time. No sir, he was going to thrive!

Today, he says they still do things together for fun. His son has chores, and he adds in extra assignments to challenge him and help him stay ahead in school. No shortcuts here dad just life. It may be tough, but stay the course and it will get better.

Make time for you

This is hard, but you need to know that you must do it. Daddy needs a break no matter how amazing he is. Time alone, with “the boys” to process your issues, to date, etc. You need it. You need to make time to live! Don’t make the mistake many do of going all in so much that the kids are “over-parented” and begin to need a break from all that love and support you’re giving. Trust me! You all need a break from each other. Take it and you’ll be refreshed and ready when you need it most.

The Takeaway

I hope this has blessed you as it did me. Look for more from me as we get into 2017 because I have a desire to see us connect in more ways than one.

If you’re looking for a book that will bless you, let me recommend mine. No shameless plug cause this is my site, but it will give you strategy to get organized, connected, and prepared to parent and pursue your dreams. It will also help you go through some things you’ve probably been avoiding or don’t know you need help with like healing, dating again, coping with the drama, etc. Men hurt, too. Society likes to tout that you do not, but men need healing from this thing just like us women. I promise if you’ll go on the journey, you’ll come out better on the other side. Be blessed and drop me a line. I’d like to know how this article helped you and what else you’d like to see.

Other resources for a single dad

Click here to hear another single dad tell how he survived newly single parenting.

Click here for financial assistance or guidance as needed. I’ve not verified this program. Proceed with it as you please and verify what it can do for you.

Click here if you want to know how you can chase your dreams and raise your babies.

Finally, this will not be an easy road. But, you are the best parent for the job. Love your babies. Give yourself grace, and give it all you’ve got!

No matter what, #doitanyway