Boosting your confidence can seem hard especially when life is happening and on top of being a single mom. I know. I’ve been a single mom a lot longer than I expected. So, I’ve seen just about everything you’re going through. Really. And you will make it! I have. So, I know a thing or two about lacking confidence, and how to build it back one step at a time.

One of the things I had to learn early on is how to be confident when I wanted to start dating again.  It was scary. I had little kids. And like you, I had friends and family constantly touting how single men didn’t want women with kids. Lies I tell ya! All lies.

I knew I wanted to attract a man who understood that just because my plate was full (parenting, working, grad school) didn’t mean I wasn’t a good fit for him. And that is hard to do when you are battling how on Earth you became a single mom in the first place. I get it, sis. Somewhere along the way, I grew up and into my self-love. It is a journey. I pray you are on yours. In this post, I share 10 ways I’ve used and coached other women to use on their journey to dating with confidence as a single mom.

Check out this post on how to date with self-confidence here.

10 WAYS TO BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE

1. Get your mind right.

It is time to stop repeating what he did, she did, they said, and what happened. You must move forward. Release old negative memories and thoughts so you can work on boosting your confidence. If you are looking for Boaz, he is looking for his confident, knows what she wants Ruth. You can do it! Move. Forward.

2. Get fit and tight.

I myself have been in the gym lately. Not for Boaz, but for me. (I’m sure he won’t mind. Lol)  I am nearing forty and want to see all of my boys escapades. I recognize that my health is my wealth. With that said, I have committed to at least 15 minutes a day of exercise. My usual is an hour. So, will you join me? What do you already do to stay fit? If you want to improve in this area so you can feel more confident, do so. You are beautiful. You are enough. But, if you don’t feel like it, do what will help you see it. Let’s get moving!

3. Daily Affirmations

I put these in a journal, in a love jar, and I have some on my vision board. I know women who put them in their mirror and around their homes. You know you. Where would you like to see little positive reminders of how much you ROCK!? Put them there. Affirming yourself is not a waste of time, loco, or weird. It’s actually good for you. Here’s a site I like and you can find many affirmations here at Louise Hay.

4. Try Something That Scares You

This is important to get you uncomfortable and up to confidence level 100 quickly. There’s nothing like doing something you’ve wanted to do secretly but have always been afraid to do. Things like singing at a Karaoke bar, giving a speech, going on a date alone, eating alone in public, attending an event you want to go to with no plus 1, etc. The list could go on and on, but it’s up to you to stop it. Boost your confidence immediately by doing something you know scares you but is reasonable. Bungee jumping scares me and there is no way I’m EVER doing it. LOL! Ever. So, pick a fear you can reasonably conquer but that will take some super confidence-building on your part.

I have a friend who has let the fear of what others think that paralyze her for years. Even being friends with me, she still comes back with the excuse “But, everyone isn’t like you.” You know what? She’s right. Nor should they be. But at what point do you stop letting fear get the best of you? So, go do the doggone thing and watch your confidence rise!!!

5. Check Your Wardrobe

This can be a touchy area, but I’m going in. Please, please, please make sure you are presentable, neat, and loving what you’re wearing at all times. I loved that show ‘What Not to Wear” on TLC. Like, I loved it!!! I had an ugly stage, a “my pants are baggy and I don’t know it” stage, and when I came back to myself, I was so thankful. (Well, it was more like an intervention my cousin did.)

But truly that show helped me see that just because I was comfortable, didn’t mean was showing up as my best self. I love fashion and always have. But, when you go through a life event like being left to raise kids alone, it shakes you. I know how you feel if that is where you are. But sis, come out. Go get your sexy back! Some say you never lose it. I agree. She’s in there.

6. Get a new haircut/new doo

I love to change my hair up, keep it trimmed, conditioned, etc. You can imagine that if I was wearing baggy clothes then my hair was unkempt. Okay, it was in a ponytail 24/7. When I finally started going to “the shop” again, my coworkers were like “You have hair!!!” Lol! Yes, and lots of it. Honey, when I found me again, it was on. I want you to do the same. Get spruced up and see how quickly you bring out your inner Beyonce: “I’m feeling myself. I’m feeling myself.” You deserve it. Yes, there are women who could care less about hair, nails, and more and there are men who love them. But, here I mean, if it’s something you used to do and you fell off. Get back up!

7. Know Yourself

If you do this step, you will show up in your awesome every day! Take some time to really get to know who you are and what you want. If you do this, you will be able to confidently pass on the man who isn’t for you. Knowing yourself will save you the pain of getting lost in a relationship where you are trying to please the other person at the expense of not being your true self. Have you done that before?  I have. Once I realized what I had done, I knew the relationship wouldn’t work. Who I am isn’t what he was looking for. So, be you in the beginning and you’ll set your relationships up for success.

8. Read Uplifting Scriptures/God’s promises to you

Write down scriptures that mean something to you. God’s promises are plenty and sure. Something amazing happens when you read the Word of truth as opposed to repeating what you see with your eyes. You begin to see how you can have a better life, are worthy of good love, and that God has a perfect plan for your life that he’s working even now. I’ve seen it in my own life which is why I can write so candidly to encourage you. Find your favorite promises and journal them. You’ll notice your confidence increase as you connect on a deeper level.

9. Make Your Own Rules

You get to change your life today. You make the rules. Do you want to be confident? Date again? Get a new position? Take control of your home? Get balanced? You can do all of those things when you decide to. As with anything, dating has its issues, but it is still a necessary process to find the man worthy of you and all your awesomeness. You can decide on your type or not have one. Decide. You have the power. Use it!

10. Say Hi First!

So, as a single mom, you know what it’s like to desire a mate. You probably have wondered aloud and under your breath, “Lord, where is my husband?” I know. Me, too. That doesn’t make him come any sooner, but it does show you that you are still making it, doing it (hard as it is), and thriving! Your babies are blessed to see such a strong woman.

Do you know some men are just as shy and have had some instances where a broken heart has made them hesitant as well? It’s not every guy, but be aware that sometimes they don’t have the confidence to say hi, either. So, easy fix. You say it first. Don’t be aggressive, just say hi, make a little small talk. If he’s interested, he’ll take his cue.

Now, this isn’t a daily practice, but one for those times when you both are making eye contact, keep bumping into each other, etc. If he’s dating/in a relationship, cool. You learned you could say hi and that boosts your confidence. Wish him well, move on. You want, can have, and deserve your very own Boaz.

Boosting your confidence is not only good for you, your next Bae, but also excellent for your kids to see. Let them find you living!

What do you think of these? What would you add? I’d love to hear your feedback!

If you have done all of these and still need help, sign up for a free consult and let’s see how we can work together to get you where you should be. My Dating Confidence Coaching may be just what you need! I’m cheering for you! It’s time to love again sis. Some fellow will be blessed to have you. Show up!