I like to keep it real. So, here it goes: I’d love a man for Christmas! Blushes And gives major side-eye action. Waits for naysayers. But, I don’t want any “old” man. I want a good one. One just for me! It’s no secret that we single moms don’t necessarily like being single. Some of us (for a season) prefer it actually. I’m in that season. You may not be, and that is okay.

But, what do you do when you’d rather be booed up for the holidays yet life is not sending you the goods? Well, I list 5 ways for you to get rid of the holiday blues and survive the holiday season with hope and wonder while having had a darn good time solo. Read on for tips to Rock the Life You’ve Got!

5 WAYS TO GET RID OF THE HOLIDAY BLUES

1. Refuse to believe the hype

Yes, people are happily married, getting engaged, in love, and all that jazz. And I am happy for them! You better learn to be happy for folks if you want the same thing. But, some folks are making it by single and solo just like the rest of us. Psst! And they are happy. Yes, single and happy.

And you know what, big-name diamond retailers and mega department stores would have you believe something is wrong with you if you’re not ice skating with your boo while simultaneously drinking hot chocolate and calling each other “Snuggle Pumpkin”. Yes. Chuckles. I am being facetious. But, I also want you to know that these folks wouldn’t sell as many products if they had people on the commercial who weren’t doing splits, plies, and the wobble because they are in love. 

Refuse to believe the hype. You’re just fine being single (until you’re ready to be one) and when you are ready for a relationship, you’ll start one. Until then, choose to live your life fully knowing that you aren’t the green stuff that grows on the bottom of the old food. Nope! You’re a Rock Star doing what she has to do and raising some great kids. Love on you and be okay with being enough.

Love is beautiful, but don’t make it an idol in your life. Don’t be the woman who won’t appreciate all of what you have because you’re missing that one thing. No! Rock the entire life you’ve got! Your time to live is always now.

2. Focus on what you really want

There’s no better time than now to hone in on who you are and what you want. A relationship won’t fix what’s broken, sis. It’ll amplify it and maybe cover it for a while. Take this time to focus and get clear on who you are and what you want. You and Mr. “Might Be Boaz” deserve that.

Focus on you, your kids, your wants, hopes, and dreams. Then! Get realistic about whether you offer all that stuff on your list. (Boris Kidjoe is not checking for 60-year-old grannies. He picked a wife around his age that likes what he likes. You do the same. No plotting an Idris Elba but you don’t do what it takes to pull a man like that. Sorry. I had to say it.) Then, you’ll be on good footing to look for the love you seek. Trust me! Somebody is looking for a good woman just like you sans the drama and baggage. So, get clear. Live and love.

Side note on lady-like behavior: And one day, you’ll happen upon what you’re looking for. Preferably, he’ll happen to cross your path and make the first move as a man should. (I’m old-fashioned like that.) Let him come over and ask for what he wants. Men work for what they want. Let them. They also appreciate what they work for. Let them. More on this proper way to date as a single mom can be found in Chapter 9 of my new book.

3. Surround yourself with folks you love and who love you

Listen, you can mope around if you want to, or you can get up, out, and live. Go enjoy the people who love you, sis! 

When you separate or isolate yourself from others, you allow those negative feelings to grow. But when you surround yourself with those same people, your feelings change. But of course, holiday blues are temporary. You must remember to love you and love all of who you are. Not just the non-single part. 

What you focus on grows. Focus on the love and life you have. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: Boaz is not looking for a sad Ruth. He just isn’t. Your new Boo is looking for a woman who loves life and her life just the way it is. No relationship is going to make you 100% happy. So enjoy the skin and the season you’re in by loving all parts of it!!

Crank out those holiday movies, traditions of old, and be present and make new ones! Enjoy your babies and your family.

4. Look for love during the holiday season

When you’re up for it and totally healed, begin to look for love. Not in a “thirsty unable to be patient” way, but in a calm, confident manner open up to the possibility of love. Listen, really good relationships take time. It’s not a sprint. Date, get to know people but don’t rush it. Most people want a boo as well but are skeptical around this time of year. So, take it easy, and keep your eyes open. You never know! Just because I’m not in a relationship doesn’t mean I don’t know a thing or two about dating. I hope you take this advice as it is intended and choose to live instead of lingering the holiday blues.  

5. Prepare for It

Ever wanted something so bad and when you got it you didn’t appreciate it? Right? We just don’t take care of somethings sometimes and sometimes that’s people. To have a lasting love, make sure you prepare for it. Think about your past loves. Why didn’t they work out? Sometimes it’s because they never should have begun. Prepare for what you want so you’ll know it when you see it.

Take this time to journal about the love you desire, how you’d like to spend Christmas with your new love. All the ways you’re going to spoil him (after he has spoiled you and not a second before. We don’t take care of men honey. We do graciously spoil the ones who have proven their worth and loyalty). I got sidetracked again. Lol! Sorry.

PSA: Stop taking care of men who don’t take care of you. 

Okay. I’m back. The holidays are not about Zales rings and brand new gadgets. It’s not even about family. We’ve made it so. So, why not get back to the real meaning and let that do? No? Okay. If you’re super keen on finding love and getting rid of the holiday blues, follow the above tips and the ones below:

1. Know what you want

You’re not ready if you still don’t know what kind of man you want. What will you tolerate? What is a deal-breaker? You must know or when it presents itself you will have to scurry to figure out where you stand. Know what you want so you can avoid a time-waster like dating the wrong guy. Trust me! I know!

2. Be willing to wait for it

No one (normal) meets a person and immediately falls in love. It takes time to get to know each other. Don’t make him your boo cause your clock is ticking or your eggs or drying up. I hear women say these things. Uh, that will run a man OFF! But seriously, you are more than a baby oven and he is more than a reason for your parents to stop asking about grandkids. Get to know each other, live your life, wait for it.

3. Be open to a love that doesn’t look like you or fit the usual profile

News flash: The love of your life may be of another ethnicity, background, social class, etc. Be open to the love that is good to you, respect you, appreciate you and already know how to treat you. Who knows? You may have some swirl in your future. Shout out to @theswirlgirl Michelle Matthews-Calloway who helps to spread light on the issue of interracial dating. She touts that women of the color limit themselves to men of color when those same men do not. Hear ye, hear ye! She’s right. Look for love, honey. Look for love. Find out more about all things swirly at TheSwirWorld.com

I pray this article was just what you needed and has inspired you to celebrate you, your loved ones, your successes, etc and to simply appreciate the possibility that life always brings you what you need. Don’t rush it. Reject the holiday blues and enjoy the journey.

You are worthy of love and so much more. Go Rock the Life You’ve Got!