Only a man can raise a man. – Kaywanda Lamb
It’s true. I’m a woman. I have learned that I can only be who I am. Sure, I strive daily to be the best woman I can be. Based on what I have seen from the good men in my life, I’m doing a-okay. I pass the lessons I’ve learned on to my boys. But, I am not a man. Therefore, I know deep down within me that I need good, godly men around my boys. As a single mom, our kids need mentors. Will some folks fool us, start out in their lives and fall off, or walk away? Yes. But, you and I must push through to find good men anyway! It is a quest, but one we must undergo. It’s worth it.
On my quest, I have found Chris Glenn. Chris is the Servant (as he likes to call himself) of Project SOAR, a non-profit located in Dallas, designed to help young men in single-parent homes Stand Out Among the Rest. And he has helped them to do just that in less than 2 years. He currently works with four boys on being the best at academics and athletics throughout the year. Both my boys participate. He has also assembled and background checked 3 men for each of the boys to serve as mentors as they go through middle school and high school. It has been a rewarding experience for them and for me.
I asked Chris what inspires him to do this work.
He said: “What inspires a tree to grow? I didn’t get here on my own. Someone helped me. I just do it because it’s in me. I want to plant seeds in these young men so that when they are older they will plant seeds of mentorship and inspiration in others. And like that, seeds keep being planted and others keep growing.”
Wow! This guy inspires me, and I can’t wait to see what the year holds for this non-profit.
The Real
I won’t lie and say I gladly transport my two boys a million places and that I gladly get home late at night because of it. (They have games, practice at school, and at practice at the non-profit 2-3x/week) But, I will say that over the last 2 years, I have seen a dramatic improvement in them physically and emotionally. My kids need mentors, and mentoring from well-rounded and grounded men speaking into their little spirits have made a huge difference. The mere fact that they always confirm what I am teaching is the icing on the cake. I know you may be thinking “but your kids aren’t bad?” True. They don’t get the option to be that in my house, but they can be stubborn, lazy at times, and attitudinal. Having a male in their ear that supports me and them is amazing.
The Big Deal
Because of their connection to Project SOAR, they have been able to job shadow at major corporations. Recently, they toured Western Healthcare facilities in Dallas. They spent hours with the CEO and learned how much his time with them really costs. They were able to get a tour and walk around the facilities. The CEO gladly gave them his time because he believes in the mission of Project SOAR. I am appreciative. The boys had so much to say and they learned the inner workings of the company and what they do. I knew that my kids need mentors because the lessons from mentoring are more than taking them for a bite to eat and playing sports with them. Although that matters and is needed, mentoring should extend into real-life applications and examples. Just like parenting should.
Last Friday, my boys and two others toured Southwest Airlines. I KNOW! I was geeked for them. They came home (just like the last time) full of energy and excited to tell me all they had seen and learned. I listened and smiled as any parent would when their kid is excited about learning. By the way, all of these tours are because of the connections their mentors have. Hmm. What a blessing! I did not know this going into the program. I only knew the at the Director would vet the men he wanted around the boys and that he wanted to design a world-class program to help these boys and their moms thrive.
Next up for them is a college tour. The program hopes to gain funding to bring on more boys and staff and to eventually tour historic HBCUs and IVY League schools in the coming year. I write all of this not to brag, but to implore you to get out there and find mentors that matter for the well-being of your home now and for your kids’ futures later.
My life has changed by having consistent mentors. I’ve always kept good men around my boys but look at the four reasons below and imagine how your life would improve from consistent mentoring:
4 Reasons Why Your Kids Need Mentors:
1. They reinforce what you are teaching
This one is a must in order to continue with the plan and vision you have set for your family. A good mentor will ask what you need and are looking for first of all and then will do their best to reinforce what you ask. They will support you when the child may not want to do what you say. How awful and a waste of time would it be to have people pouring into your children with different ideologies than yours. Constant Confusion! No thanks!
So, make sure that as your kids need mentors, you should pay attention to their values and how they operate. I am very thankful that we met with the mentors as a group first and then got to know each other over small meet-ups and lunches. I do recommend doing this at least twice before they start spending time with the kids. It helps to build comfort and ease the nerves or timidity the kids may have.
2. They can get them to do what you cannot
Yes, my boys sometimes (nonchalantly mind you) pass on my instructions. I, in an effort to not get in their *&^, call their mentor. I don’t know what it is about boys, but they will run for their coaches, do a million push-ups for their mentor, but take out the trash when I ask or clean up a room, which is not as important. Those chores will stay undone if I leave it up to me asking once. Now, I have my methods and run my house, but it does feel good to know that I can mention the mentor’s name and they get to move. Males. I don’t get it, but I’m glad I have mentors that reinforce tidiness, cleanliness, respect, hard work and minding yo mama!
3. They can open doors for your child to see the world
As evidenced in this article, more doors than I could ever open have been opened for my boys. The same will happen for you when you build connections and make the ask. Everyone can’t get you into Southwest, but someone can teach your boy to be a man. Be strategic and don’t pick anybody. Pick somebody who has time, is willing, you trust, and can help your son see what his next level could be. The world awaits and he needs a door to get there!
4. They love helping others
Mentors are people looking to give back. They want to help. In fact, they love helping. It truly is a rewarding experience. I mentor women every day through this blog, on Social Media, and in person. Mentors want to be there for you. So, don’t be scared. Ask for what you want! This is not a one-sided relationship. Oh no! Your child must be willing to work with the mentor. They have got to want it. For my kids, wanting it means being willing to get up early and dedicate their summers to working out, helping others, and doing grueling mental work like reading books and writing reports. (Yes, I was being funny. But, who wants to write reports during the summer?)
Listen, I can definitely say more about mentoring, but I’ll end here. I hope you have been inspired to start your search now! I hope you see how important it is to find someone to do this journey with you and your family. Just because you are a single mom, doesn’t mean your child should have less of a chance at excelling. Get out there. Keep your eyes open. Actively seek mentors that you know will provide value. You can even trade mentoring services. Maybe there’s a single dad with daughters you can help. I know we find what we need when we are not looking for it. But, be open!
Until next time, be the best you there is, love on you and your babies, and as always…
Do It Anyway!
